Seven Sons

In the spirit of the trendy idea of knowing where your food comes from, and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, the farm-to-table restaurant The Linkery in San Diego has a blog post that shows (in a s slightly graphic way, since that’s the way life is) some of the staff catching, killing and packing pasture-raised turkeys.

We have a lot to be thankful for in the United States, but odds are that, at least in the last 50 years,  giving a shout-out to the people who raise our food has never been a popular pre-meal prayer at the holiday table. And obviously I’m not talking about the corporate suits at Butterball and Stouffer’s.

I was directed to an Ethicurean article about the milk crisis by Jay’s blog at The Linkery in San Diego. It is a quick and very informative read – go ahead, I’ll wait.

Image from scapbookershaven.com

OK, you’re back? Great. Did you even know we have a milk crisis? Probably not, unless it is your business to know that sort of thing. We take for granted the availability of dairy on our store shelves at reasonable prices. We also take for granted the FDA’s role in regulating food safety. The Ethicurean points out some holes in our faith.

The article skims over the issue of milk prices, mentioning the technical detail involved and providing some links. To me the details are fascinating. For about 70 years, one factor in the price of milk was the distance of the producing cow from Eau Claire, Wisconsin. No joke. The bottom line is that in a nation that celebrates the free market economy, milk is traded in one of the most manipulated markets on earth. Thus this  staple of western civilizaion is sold for half of what it takes to produce it.  And that, my friends, is not sustainable.

There is more hard irony action, decrepit calumny and perverted mastication in this episode than anything I have ever seen on TV.

First of all, I have to say that a lightbulb makes a great cake. Just don’t get your fingers caught in the oven.

My daughter's Easy-Bake oven cakes

Yesterday there was an article on the NPR show Day to Day about a woman who has just published a 99¢-store cookbook. She buys ingredients at the discount store, mostly canned vegetables and packaged foods like Pillsbury buscuits, and turns out delectable dishes. She imagines that in this down economy there is a real market for a book that teaches people how to cook economically, and she is probably right. But while the reporter was charitably impressed by the woman and her food, I spent the entire article thinking how sad it must be to have to rely on a discount chain store with its dented cans rolling around under stuttering fluorescent bulbs for the components of your daily meal.

If you don’t troll around food blogging sites like I do, where these concepts are preached to the choir on a regular basis, tape these simple rules to your hemp-sack shopping bags:

• Learn to cook.
• Shop with a list.
• Buy in season.
• Eat less meat.

There you go. Four simple discount chain store avoidance strategies for a down economy.

Honestly I was going to include the “shop the perimeter” rule but Dina here makes a good point. You can’t usually get rice, flour, beans, nuts and other staples on the outer edge of your grocery store. But while you might hit up the baking aisle on a regular basis, allocating most of your shopping time to the produce section is a good habit to develop.

No. Really. It's a corn dog pizza.

It’s getting towards the end of the day, and as I’m winding down this little gem of a site graced my mailbox. I mean, really. Is this two great tastes that go great together? You put your corndog in my pizza.

Sure there’s eating contests. Some of them are even international—the stuff of legends. With the victor’s feats inscribed into the annals of history. But what about the small town heros? The ones that just do it for challenge? Or friends and family?

As a species we’ve gotten more creative over the years. And we’ve come up with all sorts of fucked up stuff to eat—and fucked up ways to eat it.
Take the Krispy Kreme Challange. From their site:

Beginning at the NC State Belltower, each runner runs 2 miles to the Krispy Kreme store located on Peace St. in Raleigh. After downing a full dozen of the famous Krispy Kreme doughnuts, the runner must run the two miles back. All in one hour.

Right. So (according to the PDF on the Krispy Kreme site) that’s: 2400  calories and 216 grams of fat. Of course, that’s sandwiched between 2 miles of “running.” So assuming you keep the whole dozen down, you’ve knocked out all your calories for the day in one fell swoop. The good news is that it all goes to charity. The real good news is that it all goes to a children’s hospital. Which is fantastic since North Carolina managed to eek into the top ten in child obesity rates as recently as 2007.

Does anyone really feel like a “winner” after mowing down 66 hot dogs, a 3 pound burger, 40 pizza rolls or even a dozen donuts?

Tell me later. My Double Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt is ready.